I shared this post for the first time on my social media on Mothers Day – 10th May 2020. It was the most personal post I’ve ever wrote, but I decided to share it, because if I’d hear something like this few years ago, I’d avoid myself a lot of (mental and physical) pain.
I decided to copy it here, on a blog post, today – 25th November, on the International day against the violence on women. Now, over 3 years on my path, I can say, that I am grateful for the lesson I have learned. Over all I FORGIVE MYSELF for allowing abuse and sadism in my life.
I made the 1st step on my healing path when I became a mother, gave birth to my little son in the 5th month and lost him 9 days later. I believe he came to show me this path. ♡
During the contractions I was wondering WHY is this happening to me and I felt very strongly one thing; that my vagina is “sacred shrine” and anyone who is not giving her deep love, gentle care and genuine respect is causing her HUGE harm. It may sound crazy, but in that hopeless night I begged her to forgive me.
However, no matter what happened to me, I’m not a victim. It is totally absurd, but instead of running away from violent sadism, I almost started to believe I’m asexual if I don’t like it – as I was told. My “shrine” was shouting at me and I wasn’t listening; I had constant gynaecological problems, painful menstruation, horrible pregnancy with bleeding 4 times and finally lost my baby… This massive slap on my face was necessary to finally wake up and start loving myself enough not to allow pathological people in my life and ESPECIALLY inside of me.
On my healing path I experienced also this amazing vaginal meditation created by my friend Janitka ~ Jemná síla ženství. In the process black tar inside changed into golden glitter rain. I tried to capture this vision on a painting, which I placed on my ritual table behind Peruvian statue of a woman in labour. It looks like it was made for her! The shining clit is exactly behind her head. It reminds me every day this intense experience.
Don’t wait until you get a massive slap on your face like me! Start worshiping your womb like a “sacred shrine” where is created new life and open the door only to someone treating you like a Goddess. Your vagina will be eternally grateful! She rewarded me with painless period, incredible experience of making love and knowledge what does it TRULY mean to be sexual. I’ll never stop thankfully worshiping her. ♡